262 Finding Morning Harmony for Families with Amy McCready
Are your mornings with kids filled with chaos, power struggles, and stress? You're not alone, and we've got solutions! In this episode, I welcome back parenting expert Amy McCready to tackle the all-too-common challenge of hectic mornings. Amy shares practical tools to help parents align priorities with their kids, reduce conflicts, and create a smoother start to the day. Plus, get a sneak peek at her upcoming guest appearance at Planapalooza, where she'll dive deeper into building effective morning routines and empowering children to take on more responsibility.
In this episode we cover:
- Common Morning Challenges for Parents
- Strategies to Reduce Morning Chaos
- The Importance of Parental Preparation and Empowering Kids with Responsibility
Connect with Amy:
www.PositivveParentingSolutions.com
www.facebook.com/PositiveParentingSolutions
www.instagram.com/positiveparentingsolutions/
www.linkedin.com/in/amymccready/
Listen to the episode here!
Or watch the episode here!
I’d be honored and grateful if you would head over to iTunes to leave a review and let other female entrepreneurs know what you learned! While you’re there, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss an episode.
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00] If mornings with your kids trying to get them up and dressed and breakfast and out the door and all of that is not your favorite time of the day, then this episode is for you.
[00:00:12] Hey everyone, welcome back to Work Life Harmony. I have one of my favorite returning guests back on the show, Amy McCready. Amy, welcome back. Thank you for being here.
[00:00:45] Amy: Oh my goodness. Thank you for having me. I always love being with your community and I'm also a student of your community so it makes it even more fun for me.
[00:00:52] Megan: And I am a student of yours. If you all are newer listeners here to the show, Amy McCready is one of my number one go to resources as a parent to help me navigate through all of these. Seasons, stages, all of that, of parenting it's not easy. I always say it's the toughest hood you could live in here, the parenthood hood.
[00:01:13] Megan: And Amy is joining this year with Planapalooza as one of our guest experts. And so I, I asked Amy and she very graciously agreed to come in and share here on the podcast some of what she's going to be talking about as a guest expert in Planapalooza. And so today We're going to be talking specifically about dun dun dun, mornings and mornings with our kids, trying to get them, especially during the school year, up early, out the door, all of that.
[00:01:45] Megan: So we're gonna, Amy, I would love to kick things off by hearing from you because I know you work with so many parents out there. What are some of the typical challenges that most families are experiencing with that whole Morning getting, it feels like we've done 12 hours in that one hour
[00:02:06] Amy: window in the morning sometimes.
[00:02:08] Amy: Yeah, absolutely. And I think as parents, we all wake up with the best of intentions, right? Like today is going to be different today. Yes. I'm going to be calm. The routine is going to run smoothly. And you know, three minutes into that, it starts to fall apart. Have you been spying on us? Trust me, I've been there and I work with parents all over the world.
[00:02:30] Amy: And so, you know, if you're feeling the morning mania strain, please know that you're not alone. And we've got so many great tools to help you with this. But I think it's the typical things that most families deal with. It's getting kids through the routine. It's You know, dealing with the, the feigned helplessness and, you know, just trying to get everything done that has to be done in that short amount of time.
[00:02:56] Amy: And when you want your kids to go off to school, you want it to be pleasant and you don't want your kids leaving for the bus after you've had a big fight. And so there are so many things that we can, so many tools we can use to address that. But the one thing that I just want to mention is that so many of our.
[00:03:14] Amy: Morning meltdowns stem from the fact that parent priorities are not the same as kid priorities, right? Like think about that in the morning. Your priority is the schedule, getting everybody out the door in time, getting yourself out in time, getting everybody a healthy breakfast and, but how does that compare to your kid's priority?
[00:03:35] Amy: They have no No regard for your schedule, especially younger kids. If it were up to them, they would wake up, you know, slowly and snuggle and watch a few TV shows and like all the things. And so that is our fundamental power struggle in the morning is that kid priorities aren't the same as parent priorities.
[00:03:54] Amy: And you're
[00:03:55] Megan: telling me my daughter does not have the time. The ticker tape running of her in her head going, we've got to get the dogs fed. Plus they need to be exercised. Plus I've got to eat. Plus there needs to be a lunchbox. Plus I'd like the kitchen clean. So miraculously, our children are not thinking about all of these things and wondering how to make it as smooth as possible.
[00:04:13] Megan: That's so. When you say that, it's so clear and obvious and simple, yet I've
[00:04:20] Amy: never thought of it that way. Yeah. And when you think Megan about the power struggles that you have throughout the day with your kids, not just in the mornings, that is the fundamental struggle, right? Because You know, your kids don't care about the wet towel that's laying on the floor, right?
[00:04:36] Amy: They don't care about the dishwasher and all the things that have to be done. Like those are parent priorities. They're all important, but that's where that struggle comes in. And the more that we are trying to impose our priorities on them, that's when we have the pushback. So that's why we need those really, you know, helpful tools so we can get our priorities accomplished, but without the power struggle, without the pushback.
[00:05:00] Megan: Yeah, and it's, you know, I'm even sitting here thinking back to when I was, you know, high school ish aged. Yeah, I guess my only priority was how late could I possibly stay in bed and still make it to school on time? Like, literally, I think that was, About all I was worried about. And then, you know, at that age of, And what am I going to wear?
[00:05:19] Megan: Of course.
[00:05:21] Amy: Will I see my boyfriend before school? And all of those things, right? I think another area where, and this is kind of related to that truth bomb that I just shared about parent kid priorities, but another area that gives us trouble is the Our energy in the morning, and so I talk a lot about the amount of ordering, correcting and directing that we do.
[00:05:44] Amy: And as parents, we often fall into that ordering, correcting and directing mode with our kids because stuff just has to be done and we need to direct them to do those things. But in the morning, there's a lot of that that happens, right? It's time to eat breakfast. Don't forget your backpack. Did you pack a water bottle?
[00:06:00] Amy: Did you, did you don't forget, don't forget a lot of ordering, correcting and directing, and the more of that, that we do, the higher likelihood there is for a power struggle. So it's again, finding that delicate balance of getting all the stuff done that has to be done, but without a lot of barking orders, without us being, you know, total taskmasters.
[00:06:21] Amy: And hopefully everybody's objectives can be met in the morning.
[00:06:25] Megan: Hmm. Now I'm going to ask you one, and I know we didn't talk about the fact that I was going to ask you this, so I'm putting you on the spot a little bit. Do you, is there an age or a place where it makes sense to help our kids understand that maybe we have personally a lot of priorities that, that don't involve them in the morning?
[00:06:47] Amy: Yes, absolutely. And I know you've done this in your home with all sorts of different things. But yeah, it's just kind of sitting down with that sort of collaborative problem solving approach, right? And so as a family, what are all of the things that have to be done in the morning? So you make that list of all the things that the kids, you know, kind of have to do.
[00:07:05] Amy: get done before they go out the door. And then you can make the list of all the things that you have to get done. And so it's all there. You know, I like even using, you know, those big 3M sticky notes. Oh, I love those. You know what I mean, right? Yeah. I love putting those on the board on the wall and just, you know, capturing all of those things, doing a brain dump.
[00:07:25] Amy: Yeah. It's like, oh wow, there is a lot of stuff that has to get done and it really helps your kids see that, you know, it's not just them in the morning, you know, you also have to get out the door, dogs have to be fed, all of the other things that are part of the morning family priorities.
[00:07:40] Megan: Now, I think one of the, one of the tips that you share in your bonus training and guys for trust me, you're going to, you, you want to join Planapalooza to just hear all of the tools that Amy's going to give.
[00:07:52] Megan: We'd be on this podcast for too long if we went through all of them, but one that you share that really speaks to me that I think would be so helpful to share with all of our listeners is the idea of, as a parent. Having a little bit of time for yourself prior to the chaos of the kids being up in the morning.
[00:08:14] Megan: Can you kind of talk a little bit to that?
[00:08:17] Amy: Yes. And it gets back to that order and correcting and directing that I talked about. So remember that kids mirror our energy, right? And if we are Okay. In the morning stressed and up to rushing around and getting dressed while they're getting dressed and, you know, you know, ordering correcting and directing them through their routine, they're going to feel very anxious and when that happens, their instinctive reaction is to push back.
[00:08:44] Amy: I don't like this. I have to push back. I, I don't know what else to do. And so we can avoid so much of that chaotic mirror effect by doing just what Megan described, and that is getting up. Don't gasp when I say this, but getting up before your kids get up, like at least 30 minutes so that you are fully dressed.
[00:09:08] Amy: Fully ready to walk out the door at that moment, so if you had to walk out the door and go to work right then, you could do it because you have everything ready, you've been caffeinated, you've eaten, you're dressed, if you wear makeup it's on your face, like you are ready to go before your kid's feet hit the floor.
[00:09:25] Amy: Mm hmm. That is game changing in the morning because a couple of things happen. First, when you greet your kids in the morning, you're relaxed. You are in a, you are in the right headspace. You are present with them. And because you've already taken care of the long list of your priorities, you don't have to worry about that.
[00:09:47] Amy: You can be totally focused on them. And just that. Difference in your energy, just being calm and relaxed again. It's that mirror effect. Your kids are going to mirror that and they will be much more cooperative and getting through their routine. You're going to do less ordering, correcting and directing because just the energy in the home is going to be so much calmer.
[00:10:11] Amy: And I, I think you do this already, right? But again, I
[00:10:14] Megan: do. And it's funny as you're saying that it's, it's looked very different as my daughter's been different ages and school starting has changed. And we even did homeschool for a while. Cause sometimes my being ready, it was really being ready for the first stage of the day.
[00:10:28] Megan: So in some situations it meant I was in my workout clothes. when I was getting her up because I was going to be going for a run or whatever after dropping her off at school. Whereas now I'm doing that earlier in the morning and it is usually, well, it's one of two. If my husband's doing the morning routine, then I'm waking her up when I come back from my run.
[00:10:49] Megan: Or sometimes like now when he's on travel, like, yeah, I was. Ready to roll this morning when it was time for me to be on for her. And as she's gotten older, like now I can make sure she's awake and I can go hop in the shower while she's getting dressed because we're of an age that doesn't require the the supervision and hands on that it did at age, you know, five when.
[00:11:10] Megan: It would have been absolute nightmare if I just disappeared for 25 minutes and expected her to have navigated all of all of
[00:11:17] Amy: her responsibilities in the morning. It just wouldn't have happened. Yeah, you're right. And once kids get to a certain age where they're more self sufficient, that's not quite as important, but if your kids do need your interaction in the morning, that is going to be really important.
[00:11:31] Megan: I think especially the
[00:11:32] Amy: caffeinated
[00:11:33] Megan: part, like for me, When she was little and, you know, they wake up, why do they wake up so early when they're so little? Like, come on now! But the difference of just 10 minutes alone having a cup of coffee before turning into mom in the morning, that alone Was an incredible game changer for me when I finally started doing that instead of waking up to the sound of mom coming into my room.
[00:11:58] Megan: Like that was just not a great way for me to start my day.
[00:12:01] Amy: No,
[00:12:01] Megan: no, no,
[00:12:02] Amy: no. And I mean, let's just be honest. This is hard, right? Yeah. Start setting your alarm 30 minutes earlier or whatever it is. But as one of the parents in our seven step parenting success system program just said recently to the group, like you have to pick your heart.
[00:12:17] Amy: Use your heart, right? Because that's hard, but what's harder is going through that chaos every morning with your kids.
[00:12:25] Megan: For like, and for us, my daughter's not a, she likes a lot of time in the morning. She has awareness that she does not move fast. You know, when I was her age, it was like, How late can I sleep and get out the door for her?
[00:12:37] Megan: She's like, I don't care. I don't move fast. So what that meant was I could be irritable, frustrated, and annoyed for an entire hour and then annoyed driving her to school. Or I could just be annoyed that my alarm went off 20 minutes earlier than I wished it did and then have a. Smooth. Not every day, guys, or we're humans, but have enjoyable mornings.
[00:13:03] Amy: Exactly. And I like to think about, you know, when your son or daughter gets to school and they're sitting in first period. What do you want them to remember about your morning? Right? My mom was blank. My dad was blank this morning. My mom was rushed and stressed and, you know, racing around and, and chaotic in the morning, or my mom was relaxed, fun.
[00:13:29] Amy: She was easy. Like, It was, it was a great morning. That's what we want your kids to remember when they're sitting in first period, because that prepares them to function well at school, that prepares them to interact well with their friends. It just sets their day off on the best tone when we can do that.
[00:13:44] Amy: Let's face
[00:13:45] Megan: it,
[00:13:45] Amy: it sets our
[00:13:46] Megan: day off. Like, when I think of mornings that, You know, rather not share with everybody, I, the rest of my day just isn't great because I'm replaying that with, you know, I should have not, I wish I'd done that better next time I'll handle this different. And then I just feel out of sorts.
[00:14:04] Megan: So I think it really, you know, it's hard for anybody to reset when your day starts with that much frustration and irritability. All of
[00:14:14] Amy: that. Absolutely. And Megan, I want to go back to something that you've said about how your daughter now doesn't need a lot of supervision, but when she is younger, she did.
[00:14:24] Amy: Now, what I want to kind of preview in the training that everyone's going to go through in the planet Palooza is I want your morning routines to kind of run on autopilot. And so I always tell parents to imagine what if no adults lived in your home? How could your child Manage their entire routine completely on their own without reminders from you.
[00:14:49] Amy: And so some of the tools to do that. Our students are going to learn in our Planet Palooza training. So I don't want you to think that, you know, you're going to get up 30 minutes earlier and you're still going to have to do all this repeating and reminding through the morning routine. The tools that you'll learn in the training are going to eliminate that.
[00:15:07] Amy: So yes, you're going to get up early, but you're going to be busy. You know, present with your kids. It's going to go more smoothly. You're going to have the tools that you need to have a successful morning with all that repeating reminding and maybe what
[00:15:19] Megan: I really loved because I've already gotten to go through the training was pretty much every tool in there I can apply.
[00:15:26] Megan: To other parts of my day, it's not, this isn't just like, Hey, let's get the mornings. Great. It's Hey, what other routines can we start building here at home that allow transition times to run smoother that are starting to empower my daughter to be more, you know, on her own with these and monitoring her own self as well.
[00:15:47] Megan: So that's what I see. It's certainly been incredibly invaluable for me with everything that I have learned going through that. So, thank you. I just want to let our listeners know, truly, it's not just about, you know, this isn't a, let's have bluebirds flying into our home, unrealistic, you know, mice are getting you dressed Cinderella morning here.
[00:16:06] Megan: It really is just about tools and techniques to, as you said, you know, help with the power struggles that we so often feel that look different as our kids different, you know, get different ages and all of that. But, but it's there, it's there a lot.
[00:16:22] Amy: Well, and if you could think of the two R's, routine and responsibility.
[00:16:25] Amy: So the tools that we've presented in this training are all about making your routines so much easier. Run so much more smoothly. Again, mornings, but also after school evenings. You'll apply those tools, but also responsibility. So we want your kids to take more responsibility for things that they are perfectly capable of being responsible for.
[00:16:44] Amy: And one of the stressors that happens in the morning for parents is that we end up doing things for kids that they're actually perfectly capable of doing for themselves.
[00:16:54] Megan: That's me. I know it is.
[00:16:56] Amy: And we. We become irritated. We become resentful. And so again, that's our goal in this training is for your kids to take on more of that responsibility.
[00:17:05] Amy: And they can, and they're going to feel really good about it when they do. They're going to feel really empowered and you're going to feel like, like that's a big thing I don't have to worry about.
[00:17:14] Megan: Yeah, guys, I truly if you are a parent we are going to actually, at the time you are listening to this podcast episode, we have released some of our guest expert trainings actually.
[00:17:26] Megan: Already inside of the planet Palooza portal before the actual live event. So this is your opportunity. If you have not grabbed your planet Palooza ticket to go ahead and do so and you can actually jump in and start learning from Amy and you can actually start, you know, implementing this stuff before the actual live planet Palooza event Amy, I want to take an opportunity.
[00:17:47] Megan: To thank you for one of the first things I learned from you probably three years ago, is that how long we've been? That sounds close ish. I don't know. But a, a key phrase that you taught me that completely transformed my power struggle with my daughter on what we used to call chores was Amy taught me just the subtle change in definition to contributions.
[00:18:15] Megan: And it is something my family embraced immediately after hearing that from you, that whenever we sit down and are talking about either a weekend or whatever, where, you know, stuff needs to be done around the house, that we sit down and talk about what are all the contributions each one of us are responsible for getting done this weekend to help others.
[00:18:32] Megan: You know, get the house running or whatever project we're working on. And that simple shift in language has shifted my view of like, even I don't like tours. But I'm like, no, these are my contributions to our household. My daughter has hers. My husband has his. And. We've been benefiting from that for years.
[00:18:53] Megan: So thank you. I don't think I've ever had the chance to tell you that it was a game changer for us here at home. So thank you.
[00:18:59] Amy: You are so welcome. I'm so glad that resonated with you and for our listeners. Yeah, that difference between chores and contributions is huge because chores denotes drudgery, right?
[00:19:10] Amy: I hate chores. I don't want to do it, but the difference between a chore and a contribution. Is the difference it makes to somebody else, right? And so, as you think about the jobs that your kids do, your partner does, let them know what that means to you, how much that contributes to your family. When, when you know that something you're doing, even if it's a distasteful task, it's contributing to the greater good, that feels so much better.
[00:19:39] Amy: And I'm going to be more likely to want to do that in the future. So
[00:19:42] Megan: sometime I feel like it even makes us all feel like. Well, this is just what we've decided as a family are the things that, you know, keep our house running that are important to us, our home. And so we're all going to contribute to that in some way, shape or form instead of this task master tort mentality.
[00:20:00] Megan: So thank you for that. And you know, we actually have an old podcast episode on that when you were on the show a while back. So we're going to go ahead and drop the link to that podcast episode here in the show notes as well. If you want to go back and listen to our conversation on that, cause that was very impactful for me.
[00:20:14] Megan: So thank you. Oh, I'm so glad. All right, guys, if you want to learn from the amazing Amy, trust me, this is an incredible opportunity. She is the CEO and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Your, your contributions truly to all parents around the world through all of your training, your programs, your books are just invaluable.
[00:20:36] Megan: So thank you for taking your time to be here today with us.
[00:20:39] Amy: Oh my goodness. It is so my pleasure. I so appreciate everything that you do. So Megan, for those of you listening is our key contributor for all things, time management and productivity in our positive parenting solutions community. So we depend on you so much for all of those resources.
[00:20:54] Amy: So I thank you and thanks for the opportunity to be here with all of your community. This is such a delight. Absolutely. All right, guys, we'll see you inside of Planapalooza soon.
